I remember singing this song, “Never the Same Again” in church when I was about 16 years old. It was like the version of American/Canadian Idol, it had to be as I wasn’t a good singer nor my girlfriend who accompanied me. I guess to deal with my boredom, as I was made to attend church services by my parents, I signed up to sing this duet. Thank goodness my older sister accompanied us on the piano and added her amazing voice and harmony!
Little did I know that a few years later I would experience the words of this particular song in a very real way….. I would never be the same again. My sister was due to have her baby in 6 weeks and my family was very excited to add another little one to the close knit family that we were. I remember it was the ‘Air Show’ weekend in my city and my brother & his family were visiting. All seemed normal until……
Receiving the phone call that my sister, Kari, was in the hospital in need of a C-section was not a real shock as she had had a tough pregnancy battling with toxemia and on bed rest most of the time. I eagerly grabbed my bag and headed to the hospital knowing I would soon be holding the precious bundle in my arms! August 10th at 7pm, as the doctor came out of the OR, his face demonstrated something, I just couldn’t put my finger on it, but in seconds I would. Kari died shortly after her baby girl was delivered. The mystery of what happened would take weeks to discover, but for now in this moment, on August 10th at 7pm I had to register this news that hit my ears but not my brain…….it just wasn’t true, it couldn’t be, who dies in childbirth these days in Canada! My mind went into shock mode and I heard the first words out of my mouth, “No, she isn’t!” I was determined to see her to prove the doctor wrong. My persistence was given in to and I was led into the room where she was. She lay on a cot with tubes coming out of her mouth….death had indeed taken her.
Pain ripped through my body. It was cutting, cruel and merciless. The next few days were ones of deep darkness, void of feeling, a stupor. We had a funeral to plan because that’s what we do…..we prepare a large event with our hearts cut out of us, walking around like zombies a week after someone we love dies. We do this so others get closure and can move on with their lives…..While preparing for Kari’s funeral I distinctly heard a voice within me. I felt an impression on my heart and as I leaned into it more I heard, “This will make you either better or bitter.” It was so loud, so real, so powerful. During the months following my precious sister’s tragic and sudden death, I would play these words over and over again in my mind.
I made a decision, even with the intense grief I was in…..to refuse to be bitter, as I knew this would not be beneficial to those I loved, to myself, nor to Kari’s legacy……her beautiful daughter! And from this decision, this choice made, I can honestly say, “I’ve never been the same again!”
Making a decision is both profound and powerful and affects who we are. Our decisions put us on a path to discover our purpose in life and gives us the power to keep moving forward! We are never the same again as we go from increase to increase and discovery to discovery!
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Changing for the better,